Excerpt from EMDR: Hate to Love It, Love to Hate It
Originally written in 2016
If you’ve ever been through EMDR, you know it can be absolutely exhausting. In a single session, you are juggling so much at once: powerful emotions, images from the past, old beliefs and new ones trying to form, and the physical sensations in your body. All of that is happening while you’re trying to stay grounded in the present moment and resisting the urge to intellectualize the experience. Instead of offering an interpretation or asking probing questions, your therapist simply says, “go with that and let whatever happens, happen.” It sounds simple, but it’s intense. And somehow, even without the back-and-forth talking, EMDR can spark powerful insights.
What I find fascinating about EMDR is how it blends so many approaches while still following a clear structure. It’s like a lot of small interventions happening at once, each offering a new skill or fresh perspective. Though I sought therapy with the express goal of receiving EMDR, I found myself hesitant to participate in EMDR when we met each week because I wasn’t ready to dive into some of my more painful memories or emotions. But even that pause taught me something: it’s okay to recognize when you’re not ready to let go yet. There’s even comfort in admitting that holding onto anger, fear, or sadness might be serving a purpose right now. Over time, simply allowing myself to feel that pain has made it easier to go back to certain memories and process them when I felt more prepared. I’ve also found that acknowledging the negative beliefs at the root of my struggles sometimes helps me change my behavior in the present—without the emotional sucker punch of a full EMDR session.
Before therapy, I was quick to lose my temper, but rarely aware of how anger or frustration was building inside me. With my therapist’s guidance, I started paying closer attention to my body—where tension or heat showed up telling me I was getting annoyed—and that awareness has been a game changer. I’ve learned small but powerful ways to regulate myself, like unclenching my jaw or focusing on my breathing. One eye-opening discovery was realizing how clenching my teeth often matched moments when I was holding back my true feelings.
Even before receiving every phase of EMDR, I saw real progress in my treatment plan. Beyond revisiting the past, the tools I’ve picked up—mindfulness, acceptance, and cognitive-behavioral strategies—have helped me stay grounded, monitor my reactions, and shift my behavior in the present.
